I lost a day!

I have no idea where today went
I swear!

I arted, I cleaned, I spent time flexing my social media muscle.

How is it already almost 7pm!

At least I got a lil something posted here
Even if I don’t top out at 50 words lol

46 words

Short and sweet

I keep trying to come with a blog post for the day
but everything seems forced and small and insignificant

So, I’m going to keep it short and sweet for today.

I had a meeting with boss’s girlfriend?…office manager?…she who is trying to wrangle all us ducks into some kind of order?…
It was about my plans for our social media.
It was awesome to have her listen and hear me out. She asked her questions and we discussed my answers, and near the end, she looked at me and said
You really do like this don’t you?
And I kind of laughed and said yes
She laughed with me and she said, I shows! I love it!

By the way – she loves my plans and what I want to do.

You know what? It just hit me…I’m in charge of the social media platforms of one of the leading men’s underwear brands.

Holy Fuck!

Arting and Growing

I slayed everything on yesterdays to do list and now I’m working my way down today’s
I know I’m only 3 days in to Do All The Things April, but I’m feeling good about it already.
Just getting things done, and planned, and organized feels good.

I did join up for the #100daysproject
Let’s hope this is the year I finish it

My theme this year is #artandgrow

My whole idea is that everyday for the next 100 days I’m going to do something that benefits me in some positive and uplifting way. Binge watching Netflix won’t do much for me, but practicing my art, or cleaning up my art space, digging deep into some spiritual awesome-ness or hell maybe even starting yoga, will!

But it will mostly be creating. Cause. Creating!

In other news. I plan to have my new website up and running by the end of the month.
What new website you ask? Oh, you know, the one that will tell you all about the social networking/media services I will be offering!

And there is my big scary for the day!

Reminders

A few weeks ago I decided that April was going to be my – all in – month.
The whole, go big or go home.
The one that is going to leave me panting but sated by the end.

Since then, I have been reminded nearly daily of that decision.
Today’s reminder was a pen my friend left behind for me on her last day at the job.
Just a little reminder that I got this. I can do this!

But it also reminded me that I have amazing people in my life
For someone who shies away from everyone when she is hurt or upset or “dealing”, it was a gentle nudge that I need to reconnect with the people that matter to me.

So, dear people that matter to me. I’m sorry for running away to hide. I’m sorry I couldn’t find the words to express what I was dealing with. Know, that even if I was cloaked in the shadows, I was still paying attention. I shared in your every joy. I sent out a silent prayer every time you hurt.

I missed you.
Please forgive me

And today’s big scary moment, was when I showed 3 of my co-workers the under-drawing of my current work in progress.
It was totally out of my comfort zone. But this is do all the things April!

Today

Today is the day.

I had this whole blog post I was typing out.
It was saying a whole bunch of things, but not really saying anything at all.

I was rambling, and it had no flow – kind alike this post I guess lol
But, you know what, that’s okay.

All I really want to get across is that today is the day.
Not tomorrow
Not next week
TODAY!

It all starts today.
I guess that means you’ll have to come back to find out what the hell I’m talking about.

Guess that mean I’ll have to come back sooner to tell you.
Hmm, teamwork! go us!

Heart ache

There is no quicker way to break my heart than to have my baby sister call me up and hear her in tears.

When my father was dying my greatest fear was that she would have to call me and tell me he past.
I didn’t want that to be her burden
I would try to prepare her saying thing like, “don’t worry about me, you do what you have to do to get through it”
I wanted her mom to be the one to call me, her ex boyfriend, hell a total stranger would have worked

I just didn’t want it to be her.

The last 6 months of his life, I would jump every time I heard her ring tone.
There was no hellos as I rushed into what happened, whats wrong

After he past, I had to re-learn how to talk to her. I had to re-learn that her calling didn’t = something bad happened.
She just wanted to say Hey!

So tonight when she called me, in tears.
Tonight while she cried and told me she just needed to talk to me
My heart broke for her.
I can’t protect her or prepare her from all the things I want to keep her safe from.
I can’t wipe away her hurt

So I sit and listen to her cry, and let her know that even in her pain she is safe

Mind purge!

Today is really Effy Wild inspired.
Beside the whole, blog each day of Sept thing she has me hooked on
Today’s post is based off of her purse dump
Which is basically where you say all the things in any sort of order, just as a way to free form it out of your head.
I just LOVE that idea, but I think I’m going to go with mind purge instead of purse dump.
I’m not 100% sold on the name, but I’m going to work with it for now.

*incoming purge*

My self esteem is totally and 100% shot. Like really. It’s mine and just thinking about how bad it is make me cringe. I have such a long way to go.

I noticed something about myself yesterday on the way home from work. I am deeply ashamed of it and I’m not really to talk about it or have all the feels about it, but it is something I am fully actively watching and listening to now. I will break myself of this habit. I will move past this.

It’s because of what I noticed yesterday that I am thinking it might be a good idea to talk to a professional about it. Therapy might not be such a bad thing.

Ive decided no more dogs (unless I can get a Frenchie!!) after I put Foxy down. Being a dog mommy is hard work. Asking myself each day. “is today the day I put her to sleep” a little to much to carry. Sick dogs are no fun. Sick dogs make your heart hurt. But as long as she is still playing, and still wagging her tail when I pick up her ball, I’ll let my heart hurt. She’s still plays like she is a pup, and not a nearly 13 year old dog with advance breast cancer.

I need to step up my game in all the ways. I got shit to do and I’m way behind the game.

Tomorrow I will love myself a little more

Okay, toodles!

It’s my Friday!

The best part of working part time is today is my Friday!
woot!

Of course I make peanuts for money, and that always seems to be a huge issue for me. I think about it A LOT
That is till Wednesday hits then I’m all excited all over again!

Of course, this means I get to spend the next 4 days more focused on me and my goals.
Which I’m going to do, right after I get some sleep.

I promise I’ll have more to say tomorrow.
I’m just not really feeling very talkative tonight

I’ve had a day full of thinks
Too many, if you ask me.

Okay, toodles!